psalm iv

I have not been a good disciple.

I have not hagah-ed over Your Word as is expected of me.

I have allowed myself to become so busy that I fail to prioritize You.

I have failed to seek You out above else,

Failed to turn to You for advice instead of to the world.

I search in the world, though I know that all it takes for me to be free is surrender.

And still I have held tightly to my own ambition, loosing my grip on discipleship and relationship with You in order to grasp stronger the things that I think will satisfy.

I am not worthy to call myself Your disciple.

Yet by name You call me, Your disciple.

And now I choose to let go, to loose my grip on the world to pursue and clench in my hands that which is far more satisfying and everlasting.

I surrender to You everything for which I’ve searched in the world — may the weight of my worry rise from the shoulders that bore it.

I choose once again to seek You out above all else, and You welcome me back gladly.

You still see me as a sheep without blemish.

You do not see me as anything less than the Lion that You created me to be.

You love me in my unfaithfulness.