Psalm XIV

Something I’ve recently come to realize is how little I trust myself.
I fear being considered unfaithful.
I fear not being successful by the world’s standards.
I fear permanently losing the most important things in my life.
I fear pursuing things that are not of the Lord.
I fear idolizing my passions if I pursue them.
I don’t trust myself to not be human.
I don’t trust myself to be the new creation the Lord has made.
I don’t trust that I am a new creation.
Because of all the iniquities that still lie within it, I don’t trust that my heart has been purified.

But if I don’t trust myself, how can I even begin to trust the Lord?

Because if the Lord is who He says He is, I have been deemed pure and righteous.
If the Lord is who He says He is, I am considered faithful.
​If the Lord is who He says He is, I am a new creation.
If the Lord is who He says He is, I do have a new name.
If the Lord is who He says He is, I am exactly who He says I am,
Called to do exactly what it is that He’s calling me to.
If the Lord is who He says He is, His Spirit is living in me.
If the Lord is who He says He is, then by not trusting myself I am ultimately not trusting Him.

So I choose to trust myself and, in doing so, trust the Lord.
I trust that I have poured myself out at His feet and continue to do so.
And I trust you to fill my cup, Lord.